


Another Sleepless Night

by TheBannedAuthor



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carol & Tyreese friendship, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBannedAuthor/pseuds/TheBannedAuthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since the Grove, Carol hadn't slept in days. It isn't that she can't sleep. She doesn't want to. Because she knows that if she falls asleep all she will see is are two little girls- one crying over dead flowers, the other with a knife in her belly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another Sleepless Night

Carol pulled the blanket tighter around her and looked down at Judith. The baby was fast asleep in her arms but Carol was worried she might get too cold. They didn’t have much to bundle her up in and there was a new chill in the air that wasn’t there when they had left the prison. Or rather when Tyreese and the children had left the prison.

She had lost her gloves somewhere back in the grove and the tips of her fingers were going numb. Carol wanted to build up the fire again to warm them up but she couldn’t risk the flames being seen by anything living or dead. They would draw too much attention. She glanced over at Tyreese, who was asleep under another blanket on the other side of the fire. He was quiet now but she knew soon the mumbling would start. It was only ever two words, _no_ and _stop_. But sometimes there was a _please_ and Carol had even heard Karen’s name among his nightmare-induced mutters. Every time she would have to wake him up before he got too loud or he'd wake up himself. And every time he’d give her this look, this accusatory glare followed by a sick puppy look like he’d done something wrong.

Carol knew he still dreamt of Karen. Someone, a faceless stranger, killing and burning her. Except now this killer had a face. The killer was her. Tyreese had forgiven her in words but she didn’t think he had forgotten.

Carol blew on her fingertips and rubbed her eyes with the back of one hand. At least Tyreese could sleep. Carol herself hadn’t slept in days. She’d lie on the ground during Tyreese’s watch, keeping her eyes shut but pinching herself every so often to stay awake. Tyreese asked why she had looked so tired the other day and Carol had answered that she was probably just coming down with a cold. Another lie, a small one, she’d lied to Tyreese so many times already but this time it felt…wrong. Even worse now that it was just them and Judith.

A shuffling sound caused Carol to freeze. She slowly looked up, her eyes focusing on the dark forest, trying to make out any movements in the shadows. Her hand moved to her side and she gripped the handle of her knife, ready to jump up in case anything came out from the trees at them. After a few minutes, she started to relax when nothing came.

Tyreese’s even breathing halted and after a moment he sat up and looked over at her. “Something wrong?” He asked, seeing how tense she looked.

“I thought I heard something. It might have just been an animal.” She took her hand away from her knife, “Whatever it is, it’s gone now.”

Tyreese was giving her that sick puppy look that she just did not need to see right now, “You should go back to sleep, I’ll wake you if something happens.”

Tyreese shook his head, “No, no, I can take the rest of the watch. You should get some rest, Carol.”

“It’s okay, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep if I think something’s out there.” Another lie. Though normally nights were restless, Carol had sometimes been able to sleep soundly in the prison while walkers growled at the fence. Tyreese looked like he was about to protest but he knew better. Instead he grabbed his blanket and moved over to sit next to Carol. “We’ll stay up together for now. But if you do need to sleep its fine, I’ll make sure to wake you up at dawn.”

There would be no need for him to but Carol nodded anyway and then looked back out at the darkness of the woods. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. Carol was so intent on watching the shadows move through the trees that she didn’t notice Tyreese was staring at her, particularly at the dark circles around her eyes.

“Carol.” His voice nearly made her jump it had been so quiet. She looked over at him, gently rocking Judith as the baby began to make soft mewling noises. Tyreese’s eyes were big, almost pleading, “How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

“I don’t know.” The lies came so easy now. Just lie after lie after lie.

“I know that’s not true.” He leaned in and she found herself involuntarily leaning away from him, “Carol, tell me the truth, have you slept at all in the past few nights?”

Carol looked away from Tyreese, avoiding eye contact with him and then nodded, “…I just… I can’t….”

“You can’t?” Tyreese asked, “…do you mean you actually can’t or you don’t want to?”

Carol took a longer time to answer before looking back to Tyreese, “I don’t want to shut my eyes. Every time I shut my eyes I see them. That’s the truth.”

Carol swallowed hard, looking down at Judith so she didn’t have to see Tyreese’s face, “Mika, Lizzie…Sophia.” She felt her nose started to run so she sniffed, “You don’t know this ‘cause I never told you. No one knows except the original group from the prison, Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Hershel- they knew. I had a daughter. I had a husband too.” Her tone turned slightly bitter, “My husband was a good for nothing son of a bitch who used to beat me and look at his daughter in an evil way. But my daughter… oh my Sophia was… she was just the most perfect child any mother could ask for.”

Carol’s eyes started to water and she wiped them on the back of her sleeve, not sure if it was from sleep-deprivation or from tears, “We lost Sophia on the highway when we left Atlanta. The group spent weeks trying to find her. Daryl was the only-…he was the one that searched the hardest. He didn’t know, probably still doesn’t know that meant the world to me.” She sniffed again, “Sophia was bit by a walker… she was already dead when we found her. After that I had nightmares about seein’ her every night. Sophia as my sweet little girl and her as a walker. I dreamt of her running and just running and running and never stopping. And then I dreamt of her coming out of that barn and becoming that…thing.”

Tyreese was completely silent as he listened to Carol, watching as her face started to crumple, “And now Mika and Lizzie are dead too… and I know I’ll see them again in my nightmares. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to.” She looked over at Tyreese, “You say you see Karen every night. You might be able to take that but I can’t. I know I’ll see them all in my nightmares, Mika, Lizzie, So _phia_ -“ That last part was a choked back sob that Carol could barely keep in.  “I just can’t see them again, not right now. We have t-too much to worry about r-right-“

 “Carol.” Tyreese reached out placing a consoling hand on her shoulder, “…it’s okay…they’re just nightmares…. Your daughter… they’re all in a better place.”

She turned to him, looking at eyes that were a mix of pity and sadness. And something else. She didn’t know what it was but there was a comforting warmth in both his gesture and the gaze. She looked away again, wiping away the tears. “…I-…I think I’ve been awake for too long.”

Tyreese nodded, “Just lie down Carol and close your eyes. I’ll be right here to wake you.” He said when she looked over at him. She hesitated and then held out Judith so he could cradle her. Tyreese gently picked the baby up out of her arms and Carol laid back, wrapping the blanket around herself, staring up at the night sky.

“Just close your eyes.” With a great struggle, she managed to do so. Lizzie was in the grove sobbing over dead flowers while Mika stood behind her, a knife plunged in her belly-

“It’s gonna be okay.” A big hand gently intertwined with hers and the images started to fade. “I’m right here Carol…it’s all okay….”

Carol didn’t have nightmares that night. There would be more nightmares to come, some of which did feature her little girls…

But for that night…

She slept in peace.


	2. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post the alternate ending to see what people thought. This is what I really wanted to have happen but it takes more liberties with the amount of drama in a conversation.

**Alternate Ending**

_That last part was a choked back sob that Carol could barely keep in.  “I just can’t see them again, not right now. We have t-too much to worry about r-right-“_

Tears were streaming down Carol’s face now. She felt Tyreese put a hand on her shoulder but the pressure didn’t feel comforting, just another weight she had to bear. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. They’re dead because of me.”

“Don’t say that you did what you had to do-“

“Did I?” She looked over at Tyreese, “I killed Lizzie because we didn’t know what else to do with her. We should have tried something.”

“She killed her sister, she was going to kill Judith.” Tyreese tried to make his voice soothing but his words only made Carol more emotional.

“We still should have tried! I should have tried I-…it’s my fault… They’re all dead because of what I did. I prayed for God to take Ed away and He took Sophia. I killed Karen and David to save Lizzie and Mika and He t-took them from me anyway.” She looked up at the sky, “Why can’t you just kill me instead? You kill everyone I care about- just take me already!”

“Carol! Carol shh shh- “ Before she knew it, Tyreese had grabbed her and pulled her close, hugging her to his chest, partly to comfort her and partly to muffle her sobs, “Calm down, calm down Carol, it’s okay….”

Carol tried to protest but all the sobs she had held back over the past year, at the prison, on the road, in the grove, they all just came out. She had let a few tears slip before but nothing like this. And then she was cowering in the corner of her bedroom, hearing Ed slam open the door to begin his drunken rampage. She was curled up in the trailer after Sophia was lost and most assuredly dead. She was trapped in the prison, after seeing T-Dog die and just having to run through the labyrinth of hallways with no safe place in sight. She had been alone all those times and she was alone n-…she was alone n-

But no, she wasn't alone this time. Tyreese hadn’t loosened his grip on Carol, letting her cry into his shirt, murmuring whatever he could think of to sooth her. “Shh, it’s okay, it’ll be okay… let it all out, it’s gonna be okay….”

_No it’s not_ , she wanted to protest but she just didn’t have the energy anymore.

Eventually Carol ran out of tears but she didn’t make any move to push Tyreese away. After she had calmed down, she needed his comfort. Any kind of human comfort.

He was a good man. She had done wrong by him and he’d still forgiven her. He was a good man.

She leaned her head on his shoulder, suddenly feeling drowsy. Judith had been awakened during Carol’s break down but Tyreese had used his other arm to gently rock her back to sleep. He was a good man.

“I’m sorry about your daughter.” He said quietly to her, loosening his grip so she could move away if she wanted. She didn’t.

“…me too.” She closed her eyes and saw the briefest flash of Lizzie sobbing in front of the flowers. But this time she wasn’t alone.

Carol slept. No nightmares came.


End file.
